I'll warn you: I'm a Mac guy. But when my 5-year-old 13" Macbook finally bit the dust, I couldn't quite afford a new one (they're an expensive habit!), plus I'm not some sort of OS snob, so I went looking for an acceptable Macbook substitute.

When I got my new television home from the electrical shop, I was absolutely furious to find that it only showed one interminably boring programme, featuring a glass plate going round and round inside a white box. No matter what buttons I pushed, it just showed that same show, over and over again. So I wrote a furious letter of complaint, and two days later this book arrived on my doormat with a note from customer care saying "You might find this helpful". Well! You could have knocked me down with a feather. Having mastered the instructions, I can watch a different TV show every night while eating my daily repast of polystyrene packing chips. 'Rotating beans with beans' and 'Tripe surprise pirouette' are my favourite shows. If only I could work out how to record them.